Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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