My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
