his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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