he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
