3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
