i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
