Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
