You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
