My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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