So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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