her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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