....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
