Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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