how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
