Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
