can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
