Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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