Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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