I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
