is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
