How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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