I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
