Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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