What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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