checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
