I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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