she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
