gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
