when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
What a dumb baby whore.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
