Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
