Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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