I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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