There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
