First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
