Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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