god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
