I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
