You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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