Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
