I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
