Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
