tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
