your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I deserve this hangover.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
