Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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