i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I have demons in me.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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