My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
