we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize