This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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