I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
