You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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