I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
