i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
