She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My ATM looks so different sober.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
