I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
