mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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