dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I looked at my own cervix.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize