I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize