If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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