you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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