I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
operation harelip BJ is a go
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she pinky promised me she was 18
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I don't deserve a penis
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Randomize
