Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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