literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
