He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
