Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
