just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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