How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
