the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
