That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
