i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
