I must be too annoying 4 u.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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