we have pet lesbian snakes
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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