Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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