I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
