She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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