i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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