Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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