hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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