whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just found a bag of teeth...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize