i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
