I got chris browned last night
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
