Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize