New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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