I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you win again, gameday.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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