Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
