Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
