At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
