Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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