My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
