the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Randomize
