i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize