I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize