I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize