If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
