I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
