I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
