YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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